YOUR TASK IS NOT TO SEEK FOR LOVE, YOUR TASK IS TO SEEK AND FIND ALL THE BARRIERS YOU HAVE PUT IN THE WAY OF LOVE ~rumi

eChapter 2.6 – Vulnerability

eChapter 2.6 – Vulnerability

Vulnerability is one of our most repressed and therefore least understood experiences. It is our intrinsic openness, sensitivity and connection. The experience of vulnerability at birth is very close to whatever is beyond our individual lives, maybe life itself. Even as we develop and age vulnerability is still the doorway to the soul but the door is often very difficult to find, and the primary selves have an interest in keeping it locked.

Vulnerability does not have boundaries. Vulnerability is carried by an inner Vulnerable Child who has an extremely fine-tuned sensitivity to people’s moods and is able to detect slight changes in the atmosphere around us. It is the part in us that enables us to be intimate with others. It is also very shy.

Our remembered contacts with vulnerability may be associated with woundedness, pain and humiliation. When you have not experienced vulnerability consciously it is most often thought of as victimhood. The Vulnerable Child is easily hurt. When he or she gets hurt it is because it is a child, not because it experiences openness, sensitivity and connection. Our early development is often designed to build the boundaries and defences we need to survive physically and psychologically.

It is important to reclaim our vulnerability and our contact with the vulnerable child in the course of the inner work we do. For the most part mainstream discussions of vulnerability regard it as a problem to be solved (it is really those parts of us which are in charge that regard vulnerability as a problem). Actually, vulnerability is an experience not to be missed. It is sensitivity not weakness.

 

A samurai is walking through the woods on a moonless night. He senses the presence of another samurai and raises his sword. Suddenly he can no longer sense the other samurai and he knows he is about to die.

Neither our world nor our individual lives normally combine strong protection with innate openness in a conscious way. While we have the potential to combine power and vulnerability this is not what usually happens. Instead we develop habitual behaviours, primary selves that provide a measure of safety in the world. Their acquisition comes at the cost though – vulnerability is buried.

Consequences of disowning vulnerability

When vulnerability is disowned we do not protect it consciously and the vulnerable child still gets hurt even though we are unaware of it. The plans we make, the strategies we employ, the behaviours we demonstrate and the way we relate are more dependent on protecting vulnerability than we know. This has serious consequences over a whole range of life issues.

Illness

When we have strong pushers the urge to overwork is strong. Keeping busy and doing lots of things is a useful way of gaining the approval of others and avoiding contact with vulnerability. We ignore tiredness and wear the neglect as a badge of honour. We can get over-tired, stressed out and sick. The experience of vulnerability when it is disowned can be frightening and anxiety-making which may even lead to us burying our concerns under even more work.Yet injuries to vulnerability continue to occur. Disowning is no longer the same as protection.

Lack of intimacy

The strong parts of our personality often stand between us and our deeper contact with other people. They are supposed to. Relationships which lack intimacy tend to become mechanical and waste away; the relationship may still be there but the intimate contact is not. Knowing about our vulnerability and being willing to share it are essential to ongoing richness in relationship.

The politico-corporate-media circus

There is no clearer example of the perils of disowned vulnerability than the politico-corporate-media circus and our reactions to it. Spin doctors in politics, media and advertising are experts in manipulating us through disowned vulnerability. First they make us anxious, afraid of being inferior, unloved or attacked. Then they give us the solution — their solution: everything from toothpaste to deodorants through giving up civil rights to support the fight against terrorism to outright invasion of other countries.

If you know about your vulnerability you can take care of it consciously. Otherwise, it will be cared for unconsciously or automatically by others.

This state of affairs, being competent in the world through burying vulnerability, has a shelf life (if we are lucky). When the use-by date is up Voice Dialogue is the go-to technique.

Eric Kiernan Hummingbird Dojo Eric Kiernan Hummingbird Dojo Eric Kiernan Hummingbird Dojo Eric Kiernan Hummingbird Dojo Eric Kiernan Hummingbird Dojo Eric Kiernan Hummingbird Dojo Eric Kiernan Hummingbird Dojo Eric Kiernan Hummingbird Dojo Eric Kiernan Hummingbird Dojo Eric Kiernan Hummingbird Dojo Eric Kiernan Hummingbird Dojo Eric Kiernan Hummingbird Dojo Eric Kiernan Hummingbird Dojo Eric Kiernan Hummingbird Dojo Eric Kiernan Hummingbird Dojo Eric Kiernan Hummingbird Dojo Eric Kiernan Hummingbird Dojo Eric Kiernan Hummingbird Dojo Eric Kiernan Hummingbird Dojo Eric Kiernan Hummingbird Dojo Eric Kiernan Hummingbird Dojo Eric Kiernan Hummingbird Dojo Eric Kiernan Hummingbird Dojo Eric Kiernan Hummingbird Dojo Eric Kiernan Hummingbird Dojo Eric Kiernan Hummingbird Dojo 

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